It was October 2019. Resting under my eyes and wrapped tightly in my arms was a familiar delicate figure. From the way, her eyes glimmer like the stars and smile shines like the pearls around her neck you can tell this is the highlight of her year. It’s one of those rare occasions where Grandma comes and visits for a week and just her presence makes the room feel warmer and life seem greater. Through my normal everyday routine, we squeeze in dinners out, games of ping pong and laugh at her witty humour. Although other than this, I continue to carry on with the usual everyday life. During this time, I do not make the most of her hugs, her stories, her jokes, I do not make the most of her presence. Within myself, I know this but I think, “it’s nothing significant, right? I can always see her any other time”

As always time flew by, the week was gone before I knew it and once again resting under my eyes and wrapped tightly in my arms was the small delicate figure being my Grandma. I could feel her lungs against my body trying to grasp every last minute she had with us. After what seemed like a million hugs she left and that was the week gone already. However, what I did not know was after this moment, after her final wave goodbye, nothing would be the same.

Days went on with each becoming filled with more and more stress. Exams were lurking overhead and it was making my mind felt like a crowded room. Feeling like my brain was at maximum capacity I could hardly comprehend anything but I could still tell. I could tell that something was off. Over that past month, things seemed different. Suddenly Mum and Dad were always disappearing on random trips, their puffy eyes began to be the new normal around the house, and we started to be treated like we were newborn babies, fragile and sensitive. Tension was in the air with we all knew there was something that had to be spoken. But why? All of this was a gut feeling and I never truly acknowledged it because what could possibly be so bad? Things don’t change that quick.

So none of these thoughts mattered and were just pushed to the back of my mind, I had bigger more important things to focus on, I had exams. Nervousness. Excitement. Fear constantly flowed through my body. But like always, time flew and before I knew it, the months of studying and stressing were already over. Hearing the papers drop on to the table as I tiptoed out of the room caused a smile to gleam across my face for a while, imagining all of the possibilities the summer would bring, the heat from the sun toasting my skin, the tickling of the tiny stones brushing against my bare feet. Though this thought was short-lived as the tension in the air began to loom over me again but much much heavier than before. I didn’t know what was about to hit me.

What, what was it? Had I done something? Feeling sick to my stomach the gut feeling rose again entering back into the house full of secrets. Heart clenching I knew this long line of tension and secrets was finally about to come spilling out. And it did. I didn’t start to cry at first, I just stood there in disbelief, shock. Hearing those words you wish to never hear, that Grandma is sick, very sick. I didn’t believe it, I couldn’t, I had just seen her a month earlier and she seemed so fit, so healthy. This must be a mistake. Continuously these thoughts were flying around my head. It seemed so surreal like if someone were to pinch me, I would wake up and it would all just be a dream, that Grandma wouldn’t be ill, that she would not have cancer. But this was not the case, it was not a dream and I knew that the next couple of months Jesse and I would now be disappearing on trips, have puffy eyes and act like newborn babies, fragile and sensitive.

For the first time in a while resting under my eyes and wrapped tightly in my arms was an unfamiliar more fragile figure. Although what was familiar was that her eyes still glimmer like the stars and her smile still shines like the pearls around her neck. Seeing the Grandmas pale skin and delicate bones for the first time was eye-opening. How could I have been so oblivious to how quickly things could change?

The next two months consisted of visits upon visits, the continual thought that this would all be alright and it would be over soon. That the constant trips away, puffy eyes and acting like newborn babies would disappear and we could go back to normal. The long-awaited day did finally come, it was the 30th of January and it was all over but not in the way I had imagined. With my heart beating at what felt like a million miles an hour my parents had news. The thing I had been dreading, that I had been hoping it would never come to but did. Grandma had passed away.

One day we were going out for dinner, playing ping-pong, and laughing at her witty jokes; only a few months later we can no longer do these things anymore. The same feelings drowned me all over again, but I realised what I felt this time. Through the rollercoaster of a journey, I learnt something that we should all already know without something like this forcing us to recognise it. Everything can change in an instant. As these days go by, our teenage years, we should never take what we have for granted because we often don’t know how much we need it until it is gone. I need to, we all need to make the most of every day as we never know when it will be our last.